Sprite - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Sprite

My number-crunching scientist
refutes you:
your miracle contravenes the laws of physics,
dangling my weighty heart
with daisy chains.

Your every day
re-invents old gods,
the mythology of hope,
the laughter of meaning.

Little carpet-crawler,
profound babbler,
when you laugh and cry
the pillars of wisdom tremble.

Anstey -
Limony Refreshing!

Anstey -

my one slight gripe with this piece is that the linebreaks seem to be serving little purpose except to force the reader to reader it in an un-natural way? Am I missing something with them. For example why can't L1&2 be one line? L3&4? L5&6? It just seems more natural to read them that way. I am not clear what effect is happening that I'm missing.

U668857 -

Man thanks, Stephan.

That's a v interesting point re. the line breaks. Got me playing with variations (see below).

My number-crunching scientist refutes you:
your miracle contravenes the laws of physics,
dangling my weighty heart with daisy chains.

Your every day re-invents old gods,
the mythology of hope, the laughter of meaning.

Little carpet-crawler, profound babbler,
when you laugh and cry the pillars of wisdom tremble.

It raises the whole question of when to use enjambment and what criteria is applied to determine lineation. I'm tempted to go with the revised version - maybe for the simple reason (as you say) that it reads more smoothly (but I'm sure I should be applying other criteria!)...BRgds.,Alan.