wrapper

Stephen made me....

on the day the crocuses die
the bleeding hearts bloom and
you, depart with our money.
leaving behind

bread bags and a velvet sac
containing baby teeth.

with my last dollar
I purchase 2 pieces of chocolate
uncover them slowly, let
their richness soften my tongue

deliberately, I fold the empty wrappers, and place them in my pocket.

Anstey -

I'd remove the period after money and break a stanza there.

I'd change it to 'die', 'blood', 'flee' and 'leave' to keep all the tenses straight as well. I think the present tense all the way through would be awesome.

Also i'd suggest 'let' instead of 'letting'

Callooh -

any better??

----- Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm

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Monkeys: There are no monkeys here. If you're looking for monkeys, go away. Well, actually there are monkeys, but they're of the hairless variety that writes poetry and such. If that's not what you're looking for move along.

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