April - Shakespeare's Monkeys

April

draft

i listen to the tulip bulbs burst
in the wet black earth
a soft rumbling song that ends
with shoots and yellow flowers
like a crash of cymbals calling
Spring.

i listen to the shadows shorten
with the harmony of night's receding
an embrace of busy clouds passing
seaward like crazy bass line under
a bad-ass bongo breeze

i listen to the swing of sunshine
like a fusion melody, heat and hate
warmth and love, then another chill
winter is still so near. when i hear
maple and oak arrange their leaves

reeds blow along the shore
to the lapping percussion of pond
prodding tadpoles to dance
to the water's edge. the ice is gone. It is
Spring.

Alcuin of York -

May I suggest "tulip bulbs' burst"? Also "cymbals" (sp.). I suggest changing "clattering" and "calamity"; they seems to undercut the mood you've created. Also, "seaward" in place of "to sea". "Unfurl leaves" is cliche, even worse than some of my phrasing. Perhaps hop on the dressing or clothing metaphor. The last stanza especially needs work. The alliteration is good through the whole; at times I thought it veered near excessive, but I actually think it just hasn't been fully incorporated so it sounds natural.

I think this is definitely a good start, and that you've got something well worth the time for editing.

Alcuin

ShannonV -
If any of this is literally true, i think you may have synethesia. induced by the spring. springethesia.

this reminds me a LOT of the poem "o sweet spontaneous" by ee cummings. esp. the end. whether you watch or not.. like the line:

"but true to the incomparable couch of death thy rhythmic lover thou answerest them only with spring"

It pains me to take away the aweseome formatting but the comment

couldnt handle it.

but goodtimes. i like spring.

Laurie -
This perfectly fit my mood for today! It is beautiful outside 67 and sunny! Ahhh Spring!