The Curse of Innocence

A temporary fix to escape the banality of purgatory

The consequence of being rude
May be a sense of quietude
Or possibly a swell of pride;
Could it be both? I can't decide,
It just depends upon my mood.

The ethics of my attitude
Though dubious, did not intrude
When pleasure always justified
The consequence.

But now I have been misconstrued!
Derision having failed, I brood
On satisfaction nullified.
Such bathos I cannot abide,
So smug in its vicissitude,
The consequence.

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Yeah, I know - the ellipsis-contrived passage of time/change of tense is not ideal, but then what is?
[So maybe no-one will notice {:>]

Leanne -

Haha, your bathos or others'? There's a hell of a lot of it around (though your absurdity, being self aware, does not qualify I fear. You are not sunk, sorry.)

It's not the ellipsis that bugs me, but the Purgatory thing itself, which sticks out horribly as an easy cliche. I just don't think it marries up with the subtlety(ish) of the rest of the poem. I think it's best to look at another rhyme instead of "rued" -- you've not used nude yet Or just un-cliche it. (I'm all for taking the piss out of cliche poets -- that's how I make my non-existent living -- but not with such a dull hammer).

Though, there's not many things I hate more than writing a complete piss-take and getting comments about how lovely it is, how well written, oh you're marvellous but I've got no sense of irony so I don't know what you're on about but I'm going to compliment you anyway just in case it's a masterpiece that I can't understand...

And you've handled the rentrement well, even in the last stanza, so that's the big hurdle of the rondeau taken neatly.

Aphasic -
Ha! And I thought the subtlety(ish) of my diversion was the real masterpiece - how self-aware am I? {|:#)
Thanks Leanne, I'll attempt to come up with a totally original cliché, if only for the delight derived from contradicting myself...

Leanne -
Well, I like it better now because I'm a sucker for slithery words like vicissitude. Would that line work with a colon at the end instead of a comma?

Tracey -

Chicken or egg question: Who wrote of the consequences first -- you or L? (I'm having one of those confused moments, head whipping left to right like a cartoon character, making that confused sound, "Uh-uh-ee-uh-uh-ee-uh-uh-ee..." It has nothing to do with the fact that it's 2 a.m. nor that I'm sipping the grape. No, not at all...)

Leanne -
Loz here wrote the first one -- the actual real poem -- mine was just a bit of farting around trying to keep up...