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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

May 16, 2025  

More in Cats with Opposed Thumbs, Chalices of Mucus, and Several other Oddities to Avoid Whilst Poeting

i dream


i dream of the unborn dead
naked and bald, crying out
for me to save them
to answer them

i dream of the unborn dead
naked and bald, begging
 for breath and only that
to touch them

i dream of the unborn dead
naked and bald, silent
for me to pray
to answer them

Leanne - on Mar. 10 2008

While I think the repetition idea and the building-up are good, I really believe that all the "for me" bits are jamming this up.  I don't think this would be harmed at all by removing the second and third ones in each stanza and leaving those staccato statements out there in space, like drum beats.

 
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