
This is nice: Succinct, evocative, economical; good images, fairly intense. Metaphorically, it's not particularly rich, but it suffers little for it.
I would make 2 suggestions: First "soft shed-skin" and place no punctuation at the line end. Second, I see that the indents aren't working for you. When this happens to me, I put in a series of periods, and then make the font color for them white.
As a personal note, October does not move around me; it moves through me. Probably a theme for one of my future writes.
Alcuin