coming to zero

I'm always a little worried that I will over-step my boundaries when I critique. So let me know if I do. All suggestions are purely my opinion and are never meant to undermine the write.

When I read your poem through the first time, the overall flow seemed off to me and so I read it again and wonder if rearranging the order of the stanzas a little might complete it better. The subject matter is greatly acquired and each stanza on it's own something in and of itself. Like May, I can very much relate. It actually reminds me of my childhood and reminds me to put my mother into consideration. Too many days the water got turned off and heat, too. Always more to pay out then coming in.

So here's my suggestion: Maybe too bold...

last month we made it to the 25^th
this month the 20^th -I think to start off with this stanza instead of ending with it is intriguing.

my handful of bills
will bring us to zero
the bank will take their's
of course
and you your's

and there are nine days
to feed children
nine days with heat
maybe water
and little else

there are things to delay
people to juggle
things to cancel
it's a familiar dance
done with a stiff determined smile -I placed this stanza here because I thought the "there" that started in the first line of the previous stanza could have nice continuation here and piece it together more firmly.

I will search for things to sell
hidden bills from prosperous times
tasteless treasures
that are difficult to eat

(as) my blood becomes icy
and my face hot under red skin
as I speak to bankers
and collectors again
buying time -I placed this stanza here because I think it hinges better with your last line of February.

thank god its February -this standing on it's own makes for a good punch line.

All right, so I don't think this disrupted the meaning of your write. Sincerely: let me know if I went too far. I get carried away sometimes. Overall, it's a good write to begin and that's what keeps me here typing these words.

~Emeya

Emeya:

no, please never hold back when critiquing!! I appreciate every word. I love your suggestions, very original and helpful.  I will play with them later.  

thanks very very much!

ruth