Coping with Scotland's loss to damned Italy, those bastards

there is no cool water
here in the land of almost why

there are no soft belly dancers
nor ape-ish children,
but oh there is just-barely

there is no salt
in arid retching sands of what

there are no wobbling waistless fatties
nor coughed dread Drambuie

only sexless tears
each mating loudly boldly in nameless puddles
here in never me.

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Monkeys: There are no monkeys here. If you're looking for monkeys, go away. Well, actually there are monkeys, but they're of the hairless variety that writes poetry and such. If that's not what you're looking for move along.