(A) Eye of the Storm

an old piece reworked. Trying to incorporate all the knowledge I have gained while working with all you wonderful people and improve in my presentations.

Standing here
on level ground, watching
as the storm erupts forth
around me
in a tempest of
violent proportions.
Lightning strikes a wicked flash
as memories tenacious grip
is broken.
Mournful, hideous sounds
from the powerful wind meanders about
the circle of my life as
I stand and watch.
Lethal words in your hailstorm
of malicious spewing stick
like barbed hooks into my
frayed, bleeding heart.
I ask,
"is this all you have?"
Complete the rip, bury
my pain and let
the rejuvenating rains
of heaven fall down upon
my grave.
I am tired of living in
The Eye of the Storm.

Rhiannon Jones -
From "Lethal words in your hailstorm" onward, this is excellent! In my opinion, you devote too much time upfront to the storm metaphor...which almost lost me before I got to what I consider to be the really good stuff in this peice. Here is how I would revise it:

-R

Standing here
on level ground, watching
as the storm erupts forth
around me
in a tempest of
violent proportions

Lightning strikes a wicked flash
I stand and watch

Lethal words in your hailstorm
of malicious spewing pierce
like barbed hooks into my
frayed, bleeding heart

Is this all you have?
Complete the rip, bury
my pain and let
the rejuvenating rains
of heaven fall down upon
my grave

I am tired of living in
The Eye of the Storm

Rene -
Thank you so very much!! I so appreciate your input and suggestions! I am in a hurry this morning but I will be back to incorporate some of them into this.
Again, I sincerely thank you for taking time to make suggestions, and very good ones at that.....Rene'

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!