I failed to see what was not there

something was amiss...

eyes open
for the business
of pleasure as usual

familiar furnishings and decor
a crowd of acquaintances
dressed in best behaviour
interacting as one would expect
lips at work while music played

words delivered in correct order
gestures and expressions produced
in appropriate manner
reciprocated accordingly

it seemed that everything
was in its proper place
a flawless function - and yet

an essential something was missing

I was not present
and in my absence
I failed to see
what was not there

Rene' -

The turn in this is fantastic! I didn't see it coming which makes it all the sweeter.

----- LIFE: I messed up, can I have a 'do over'?

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!

Aphasic -
Ha - I didn't see it at all :> Thanks Rene

Tracey -

The last two stanzas - I keep rereading them and chuckling! (Note to self: Send "I failed to see what was not there" to all family members who believe I should be able to read their minds...)

One thing I might consider changing here -- I'd take out the line, "my eyes received the usual images," and do like so:

something was amiss
amongst the familiar furnishings and decor

For someone going by the name "aphasic", you certainly have a way with words.

Aphasic -

Yes Tracey - I think you're right. It was the line that generated the idea, and was meant [originally] to set the scene - the passive nature of the experience, and to establish that the subject was 'present'. but I guess it's superfluous, given what follows. So I'll revisit and probably go with your suggestion - thanks.

My 'way with words' is sporadic at best - aphasia kicks in between serving sentences, and poetry is invariably an 'inside job' for me

La-shout -

I'm quite pleased Leanne pushed me (a little)...pushed not pleased and joined this site. This is quite another poem that, after reading, I momentarily stop all thought. Then listen not read the words. I find this quite remarkable. "Crowds of acquaintances dressed in best behavior"...such a line (wish the bloody thing was mine) but alas! This is such a HALT! poem. And one that I've not had chance to read of such calibre for some time. I would offer one suggestion however, to change:"an" to "the" in: "an essential something was missing" and that of course is you.

~Flash~

Aphasic -

Good point Flash...one of the reasons I used 'an' was to convey the idea that at the time the subject (I) had no idea what was missing [being 'absent'] - (but did sense that whatever was missing was 'essential'), and that even the 'absence' was only acknowledged in retrospect. Does that make sense?
Besides, 'the essential something' would have sounded vaguely arrogant to me - if I had been the 'I' in that scenario, I suspect that my presence would not have not have constituted an essential missing element, even to myself :> Which is irrelevant I guess in the context of the poem, but then I'm big on irrelevance...thank you for your generous comments [not to imply that they were irrelevant in any way :> ]

Aphasic -
Opening line(s) modified - is that any better? Or should I just erase them to the ground?

Laurie -
I really enjoyed this! I actually use the phrase "Raise your hand if you're not here" at work all the time! Just to remind people I cannot read their minds! ( Hmmm I think my ESP is on backorder!) This poem portrays that sentiment exactly.

Aphasic -
Your ESP may have gone AWOL, but your telekinetic powers seem to be functioning well - I've had my hand raised all evening, but only noticed once I'd read your comment. Thanks Laurie :>

Starla -

last stanza was yummy x

wham bam thank you mam

Aphasic -
Starla! You are intolerably yummy! And you've posted a shit-load of stuff [aka a vast intergalactic swirl of sweetness - heh] ...I'll be over later :x)