The Word on the Water

The speech on
    the stream
     white-whispered
     echoes and babbles
       and bubbles
        from an angry mountain
         crag that ripped the guts
          from a black cloud and spilt
          its gore in a split torrent
       of dropping wet-wisdom,
mountain sliding through
gullies (not hiding)
yet streams
(it seems)
are not sodden
dreams but decisions
      of sopping visions the
        bob and nod and dip on
            a long ocean trip...each
               drip coaxed to unfold from
                    Jesus tears to sweat and
                         his fears; blood and bile
                               spat Roman defiled
                                  and Romulans
                              then Reavers
                        deceivers-then
            jeweled each bayed Seether.
        Fleeing believing and
       tricking deceiving
a molecule talks
hydrogen walks
and oxygen stalks
twice
snubbing the
     want of a quiet-killed
           word.The word on
               the water is scene-shaken
                    lightly and stirred (or preferred)
                         by a receiving sea; ocean ichors
                          standard banks rusty anchors
                     and the sweat-led wisdom;
                subterranean kingdoms
           submerging each motion,
        bursts surface
      tension
relentless
snipping a
grey turf urge
     tripping as the sun's
         bony fingers
            proboscis
                probed lingers
                   licking and
                      swigging ideas
                         field-stripping
                            above wet blanket
                               covers as words wet
                                   discovers cirrus
                                    and seeding precipitous
                               pleading, heaven ascension
                          as ideals and themes and
                       sorrowed damp dreams
                    again combine a
                 sublime setting,
             forgiving
        (forgetting?)

Comments

Leanne -

Some extremely cool sounds here Flash, especially "the bob and nod and dip on a long ocean trip" and "Fleeing believing and tricking deceiving" -- well, loads of bits really.

I like the cyclical approach, kind of like "the word can neither be created nor destroyed" (sorry Newton) -- thinking about the flux will drive you nuts, which I suppose is why no writer is completely stable. I am not sure whether I like this better as prose-ishness or if it would work lineated into more regular poetry -- I am probably going to come down on the side of "as is" though.

La-shout -

This piece is a rush and tumbled almost frenzied journey of thoughts cycled through the idea that water is sapient and perspicacious. A molecule of water moves through various parts of its journey and exchanges ideas with its environment at break-neck speed...hence the quickness and motion of the poem and the desire to hurry its way to the sea. I believe to slow the pace down would mean this river of thought stagnating and that was not my intention but I truly thank you for being the first to review this on my move to SM.

Now, how do I start reviewing others?

~Flash~

Leanne -
Just jump in. Use the menu at the side of your screen, you'll see "latest articles" and "latest comments"... wander through, click on whatever you feel like, add a comment.

Leanne -
If you were feeling really tricky, and I've seen how cool your formatting can be, have you thought about making this into a waterfall shape or even a spiral? That way you don't lose the pace but it does add extra dimension.

La-shout -

You are a little devil. Visually, I could see this spin and unfold...hmmm....thood for fought...thanx

~Flash~

Anstey -
It would be completely irrelevant, but I like monkey shapes.

Leanne -
Now that IS cool.

Anstey -
Seriously, that shape is spectacular. It is so well suited for the words, it adds a lot.

Anstey -

from an angry mountain
         crag that ripped the guts
          from a black cloud and spilt
          its gore in a split torrent
       of dropping wet-wisdom,

I find that part so incredible. This image is so powerful and moving and interesting to me.

La-shout -

Thanks both. I'm still experimenting and I guess that's what it's all about. Overshooting the boundaries and boldy writing where no writer has written before. At least that's what thay say in the Mars Bar Ads

~Flash~

Aphasic -
Spectacular - it feeds itself...

La-shout -

Thanks to Leanne for suggesting that I create a form for this. It's worked out rather well. Many thanks for reading

~Flash~