Fear

""
-- Caelanwolf - griffey chriss - Shakespeare's Monkeys

There are times where I am afraid. And I don't mean of the normal things you might think of.

I don't really have much fear in my life. I've conquered all of them but one (the fear of falling, which I plan on knocking out with some rock climbing lessons next Spring).

No. I'm afraid of loving too much. I'm afraid sometimes that my love for my husband will consume me, and swallow me whole. Compact that with him being away in a war and sometimes the feeling is smothering.  

I am not constantly afraid of my love for him, but every once and a while it catches me in the back of my throat, the pit of my stomach, the depths of my heart. What would I do with all that love if he weren't around any longer?

I don't fear that he would ever abandon nor hurt me - I have a lot of trust in that. But where would I put all of this love if I weren't able to give it to him anymore? I fear that it would crush me whole, crush my heart, drown my soul.

And sometimes, sometimes I think that that is okay. That it's okay for it to feel like this.

I had a lot more to say, today. But I'll leave it at that.