Phallicies and phalse-hoods - Shakespeare's Monkeys

phallicies and phalse-hoods

Draft

let me touch a hard banana
and peel it back
slide the tip
into my mouth
run my teeth
around it
until
my mouth is filled
with that sweet fruit

this will be my testimony:
it is good to be fresh
it is right to be fruity
it is holy
to enjoy
every moment

to revel
in the shock of sweet
that explodes inside
each of us
when we take the time.

this will be my truth:
the color of cowardice is not yellow
but flesh and bone

the tint of bravery is the clear
sound of bold words.

this will be my heart:
soft fur
a glint of sun in a large brown eye
the screech of madness
that is a gorilla
inside me.

Alcuin of York -
"That is the gorilla" inside you? Does this have anything to do with Shakespeare's Monkeys? Oh, never mind.

I think the first 2 lines should be on one line. I think it would make a stronger opening. The rest of the line lengths are fine. I think the strongest lines after the opening are S4.

Strong stuff, this, and I'm surprised you refer to it as a draft.

Alcuin

Anstey -
Well, I just wrote it this morning. I haven't editted it, or even really read it closely yet. So, it seemed like a first draft to me. Thanks for the suggested edit. I think i'll definitely do that.

Kath -

the only line I am not sure about is "when we take the time" it might not be needed at all... I wonder. The rest is strong and the language moe unusual than that one line.

mmmm only other thing... aren't bananas sweeter when

they are not so hard? I mean the fruity ones...?

you could just say "a banana"

and leave it to me to say the other... (giggles)

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