Hunger tastes of honey

When we first met
poetry bound us
Fingering words, one by one
lining them with sharp wit
and subtle charm
(grin)

Strolling along the edge of
casual and shouldn’t dare
you recite Yeats
blurring the borders
between lust and letting go
(grin)

Ankle to shoulder,
there is fire in the nouns
you trace along the precise
curves of my thighs
Tell me how hunger tastes
again, and again
(grin)

Alcuin of York -

What's this Amanda - no monkey picture?

I like the overall structure, laying out the evolution of a relationship in three distinct time frames. However, some of it is too wordy, especially for a romantic poem, and more especially with some of the abstract metaphors your using - effective metaphors, too. For instance, in S1L2, The words "it was" and "that" just add filler. With a bit of rephrasing, both first lines could be comined into a single short one. The are a lot of other places where you could reduce the verbiage to make the whole more effective.

Also, the phrasing of S2L4-5 feels a bit awkward to me. I want to hear that the borders between "lust and letting go" are blurring, rather than your borders. However, that's a purely personal preference.

I'm not sure whether I like the "(grin)". Perhaps a bit cloying.

One suggestion: "Tell me again how hunger tastes.../ again and again".

I enjoyed reading this one.

Alcuin

Rene -

I agree with Alcuin about shortening the first stanza. Ex;

When first we met

the poetry bound us

Fingering words, one by one.

I love the concept as well, it works extremely well and I happen to like the 'grins'...they make it real.

One other little thing, in the second stanza you start off in past tense in the first line and then in the fourth you move to present tense. I don't know it this was intentional or not but I would suggest staying with one tense all within the same stanza.

Great write, wonderful read.

-----
Rene'

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!