Be Careful - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Be Careful

for the word prompt...'sneakiness'

Craftily she crawls

canvassing the interior walls

of my home. Trying to leave her

tainted marks close

to the baseboards. As if that would

make it her own.

Pitiful shrieks for power

pull her lungs inward, impaling her

on her own ribcage. She knows not from

where her pain

originates as it swallows

her freedom.

From outside the walls,

I circle my perimeter

slowly

to encapsulate my domain with

the peaceful aura of me. She cannot escape

and knows not why…

But

I do.

Comments

Tracey -

Oh, I find this intriguing and an excellent depiction of those sneaky demons we all possess. Love the images of leaving tainted marks and being impaled on one's own rib cage.

One thing I'd change is the title, which doesn't even begin to hint at what the reader finds here.

Rene -
Thank you my friend! I was not pleased with the title either so I just stuck the first thing that came to mind there. Do you have any suggestions for me? Maybe 'Ulterior Motives'?
-----
Rene'

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!

Alcuin of York -
An interesting approach. In S2, I find "...pull her lungs inward, impaling her / on her own ribcage..." a bit awkward. Perhaps instead of "her" twice, something along the lines of "...inward / impaled on her own ribcage..." or "self-impaled on her ribcage" would work better. Similarly, the "from where" is a bit much. Perhaps "origin" instead of "originates" could be used.

I liked the "close to the baseboards" phrase. It's a nice image, like dust or lint that gathers at the edge.

Alcuin

Rene -
Thank you Sir Alcuin, for the wonderful suggestions. I like them and will incorporate them into my revision of this piece!

-----
Rene'

I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!