
Funny! I like the ironic end twist.
You might consider changing the "taste" to "tasted". It keeps the tense more logically consistent, and I don't think it hurts the end surprise a bit. Also, I suggest changing one line to dashes: "hollowed-out-nerve-on-end-stabbing- needs-to-be"
I'm not sure how well the indentations work, but overall, the poem was interesting and amusing, but also true to life.
Alcuin