Coming into the snow over Pittsburgh

coming into the snow over Pittsburgh

coming into the snow over Pittsburgh

a week in shirtsleeves.
my mother apologized
for the cold
that wasn’t.

my father, courting death,
tried to put on the holiday.

every step hurt.
he smiled us along.
Christmas came
and went.

I held him
one last time,
and said goodbye
one last time.
the flight home
was on schedule.

I drifted in and out
of the past.
it became rough
as we moved
through the clouds.

I opened my eyes
and out the window
the world exploded
into a white whirlwind.


           Christmas, 1977 in Phoenix.
           four months before my father died.

U668857 -

What I find remarkable about this poem is its fullness and depth conveyed by precise and salient language stripped down to essentials. It is moving without being sentimental which is a great achievement.

It is full of clipped, concise detail which augments the little negatives that predominate: "the cold/that wasn't", "every step hurt". It has that bleak continuation, that sense of "life goes on" despite personal loss and tragedy; but there's also that pause, that sense of being lost in the

vast elemental indifference of the wider universe. This is what that white ""whirlwind" suggests at the end. This is a quality poem, finely crafted and deeply true at all levels. Rgds.,Alan.

Norm -
Thank you for your kind comments. It pleases me that you found the poem to your liking. That's the best compliment a writer can receive. Norm

Anstey -

my father, courting death,
tried to put on the holiday.

I really love these lines. The image of the holiday as a pair of socks almost, just works.
-----

stephan

Julie -

Being from the Pittsburgh area and now living away from the snow, your title meant "homecoming" to me initially. And while that technically holds true, since the narrator does go home to find the snow, I find it interesting that the "homecoming" idea holds true on another level, assuming one sees death in that light.

I agree with Stephan: "my father, courting death,/tried to put on the holiday" is a powerful pair of lines. I also appreciate the matter-of-fact-ness of "the flight was on schedule," and the use of "drifted" works well in foreshadowing the coming snow.

I do think there is room to polish this further ("came and went" is cliche, and the first 4 lines of the "I held him" stanza feels like it's asking for something more, I think), BUT I am convinced it works -- and works well -- as it stands.

Nicely done, Norm.

Julie