
at the risk of repeating myself, this villanelle is absolutely friggin brilliant poetry.....I wouldn't change one letter.....Kat

To be perfectly honest, this really doesn't do anything for me. The first line is not correct meter -- you can fix this by substituting each for every if you like. I really don't know why you've introduced a third rhyme in the third stanza -- I'm ok with playing with the rules of form but it would make much more sense if you'd introduced it in the first line of the second stanza. Just repeating the last few words of your first repeater is effective and takes a bit of the formal tone out of this, however I just find it stilted and really not saying much. Sorry.

well, I guess that's where the beauty of poetry really shows itself.....what really speaks to one person may bypass another.....I absolutely stand by what I said.....the words grab my heart and mind and drag me through an intensely raw rollercoaster ride......and the lyrical meter adds an haunting quality to the bloody words......this is friggin brilliant, and I wish I would have written it......I wish I could have written it.....Kat

I don't hate this, but it definitely didn't grab me. The meter is off, but to me that near-repetition of the lines in near-villanelle style misses something here.
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- stephan