2- Shannon McEwen 
on June 6 2007
I have to say this form is fun to try and figure out. Just out of curiousity what subjects are these usually written about. I'd like to try another one, although when I read Tracey's I get all jealous that she wrote it and I didn't!
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
3- Leanne on June 6 2007
They're mostly used for storytelling -- it needn't be anything grand and heroic, but they work best when there's movement of some kind.
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1- Leanne
on June 5 2007
First, the form is quite technically perfect and nicely handled. I do find the "addicted/fed" a bit much, because to really get continuity of sound you have to stress the "ted" part and I don't particularly like that. It needn't be overt, but it should be recognisable, if that makes sense. I also get the feeling that "right" is just a filler to make the rhyme for "light" (L7/L8) and just like with end rhyme forms you need to be careful that you're not letting the rhyme write the poem. To be strictly correct the very last syllable of your last line should be the same as the very first of the first line, however I've found this particular rule to be ignored more often than not as there's so much distance between the two as not to matter much.
Finally, I've never really seen the form used for such a subject -- and while that's not a bad thing at all (innovation and creation and all that) I don't know if the subject is driven enough for the form, which is bardic by nature rather than strictly lyrical. But as a first shot, it's not bad at all