A better man than i - Shakespeare's Monkeys

a better man than i

...

Ah, Gunga Din, your lean arms taut 'round water jugs
I envy you, your perfect life, all choices long since chosen
Yes, that cool water is so heavy, but your sleep so deep

Ah, Gunga Din, I see your brown legs pulling against
the despair of a life unwaded as the river flows by
Yes, that cool water is so heavy, but your sleep so deep

Do you see me, dear Gunga Din, my holy brother friend?
Do you dare envy my silk shirts, my khaki slacks and
the bitter tonic of all my choices still unchosen?

Yes, the water is so heavy, please
let me carry it with you, and sleep
oh dear brother, to sleep so deep.

Shannon McEwen -
Very deep Stephan I like this very much. However all you have to do is have a sleepover at the Plantarium with 24 8 year old girls and you'll sleep deep. Or at least i will tonight!
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Alcuin of York -
You’re a better man than I Ginda Dung.
I wonder at the ‘noble savage’ theme I detect here. Do you really envy his ‘perfect’ life, and find your unchosen choices bitter? Such sentiments make me reactionary, probably because I once held similar views. I’ve done enough reading to know the savages were no more noble than us, on an average; as few of them attained their ideals as we do with ours; and yes, I do envy your silk shirts!
Technically, I have trouble with some of the lines’ rhythms. The first 2 lines begin with near-perfect iambs, and then the rhythm seem to wander about sometimes returning, as in S3L3. However, I can’t think of better substitutes offhand.
Alcuin

Anstey -

Wow. That's freaky, i wasn't writing it with meter at all. Perhaps I should rewrite with that in mind.

You know, I'm pretty sure I agree with you on the nature of savages and such. In this case, I just liked
the idea of a rich snobby sort of person condescending to someone he perceives as having a simple life. I think it makes more a comment on the person thinking that their life is so hard, than Gunga Din.

I think Rudyard Kipling's Gunga Din is very much exemplary of the attitude of Brits towards the subjects of the Empire. I really wasn't so much supporting it, as playing off it, trying to make comment on the narrator in this brief encounter.

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stephan