Saving the Linens and the love

In the darkened house
A quarter past ten
He lifts a sleeping boy

 This is the part where you hate me. I think the last line of S1 needs to be reworked to enjamb with S2. The double sleeping boys do no work that i can see. I might also suggest a bit of colorful detail to paint your night a bit, or foreshadow the illness? The title doesn't quite make it clear enough, I think.

Carries all fifty pounds
Of warm sleepy boy
To the potty

S2, in my opinion is the strongest part of the whole piece. 

A drowsy voice
“I hate this”
Before a gruff response
“I know buddy”

Human and real.

And into my view
Just a minute later
A sleeping boy

I understand the attachment, but I'd cut S4 all together.

His head rested
Onto a strong shoulder
So complete
In his trust

The idea of this stanza is absolutely delightful, but the execution is a bit lacking. The complete trust, I love. the image of the resting head and strong shoulder, all good, but somehow this lacks to me. Perhaps this is the title and not the end? "Complete in his trust?" end it with his head bobbing down to a rest on a lean strong shoulder?

I am just offering an idea. I might be way off base. Perhaps someone else will have a better feel for this one. 

• stephan