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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in Words, paradoxes, metaphors...you name it they all come alive in poetry or prose.

Super Kid!

Just a little story about his bike wreck added with his imagination and mine.

          The teasing afternoon sun beckoned the five year old warrior to come out of his castle and play. The television blared with the revving of the car motor that sat impatiently awaiting his return to the video game controller that could make it fly down the blackened pavement.
            That’s the wonder of being a five year old boy, the very second that he passed through the portal of the front door, he morphed from race car driver to valiant warrior. He was ready for battle and the bigger the dragon, the better.
            As the mighty warrior stood barefoot under the shade of the oak tree, he pondered which steed to mount. The newest one was larger and boasted a bright yellow coat. The older one had come from Santa a year and a half ago. It was faded red with gray patches of duct tape holding its’ saddle on its back. The hand grips that belonged on the reins had long since disappeared; it was also two inches shorter than the newer one. Yes, the older steed would do nicely for fighting dragons and slaying warriors. He didn’t wish to harm his new ride in the fight.
            The upcoming battle called for agility and was fraught with hidden dangers. He needed a steed that was unafraid to get hurt or scarred; he needed old faithful. He would save his newest ride for leisurely treks under soft blue skies.
            As he settled on the gray taped saddle his mind began to wander (as five year old minds are want to do) and conjure up the dragons that he had to slay on this journey. The bright yellow sun smiled warmth down upon his blonde head and reflected a twinkle in his blue eyes. Drawing his sword of imagination, he set out to win his war against any who would dare to threaten his lands.
            Encouraging his steed to fly like the wind, he pushed forth at break neck speeds. The wind created from traveling so fast tousled his hair and cooled his fair skin. The sun had dotted his tiny nose with a sprinkling of freckles that gave him a reckless look as he plunged into this  fantasy world. His legendary ability allowed him to slay every enemy that had dared to try and enter his world.
            With his job done for this moment in time, he turned his fworn steed towards the shade of the old oak tree. Wishing to show his victory over the invaders, he urged his mount into a full gallop as they headed for home. Faster and faster they rode until the landscape was nothing but a blur to his baby blues. the sun and wind seemed to be encouraging him as they blanketed his body in both warmth and coolness at the same time.
            With the oak tree in sight, he thought to make a spectacular entrance to impress his uncle who was sitting in the shade awaiting his return. Faster and faster his muscled legs pedaled until he was rolling at warp speed. Cutting his front wheel to the left, he leaned the red bicycle hard to the right in an attempt to slide into his parking place.
            Catastrophe attacked the warrior as he screamed himself back into reality. He had not quite mastered the slide and park routine just yet. His left foot, still bare, was twisted and turned at an unnatural angle. Not broken, but badly bruised and sprained, the brave warrior was carried into the house by his uncle. The wreck had morphed him back into a five year child who needed the soft and kind ministering of his grandmothers’ hands. The race car, who had patiently awaited his return, was still revving his motor in anticipation of the race to come. The child decided that being a race car driver once was an acceptable way to recuperate from his battle wounds.
            His faithful steed was fine, no patches of gray bandages were required and he rested along side the new mount to catch his breath. He had plenty of stories to tell the new ride so that he would know what to expect in the coming months.
            Of course he will ride again; once his sprain heals he will quickly forget that it ever happened. But for the moment, he was a warrior protecting his land and family from dragons and such.  

 

Comments

Alcuin of York - on Apr. 29 2007
Well, it IS a cute story. As for the writing itself, I think it's too verbose. I'm not suggesting you reduce the events, scenes or objects depicted. Au contraire, I think you should leave each and every one of them in the rewrites. (Yes, IMO, it should have more rewrites.) But I think you should reduce the words, pare them down to make this sparse. I'm not suggesting minimalism, but more like weeding the garden until the best plants - those most desired - remain. For example, "...added with his imagination and mine" could be simply, "...with some added imagination...". Similarly, "...to come out of his castle..." could be pared to "...leave his castle," or something similar. Your writing style reminds me a bit of mine when I began. It's difficult to reduce the text, especially when your words mean so much to you, but I've found the most effective writing (that with greatest impact) is the one that says and implies more using fewer words. Alcuin
Anstey - on Apr. 29 2007
I think an excellent excercise is to remove your favorite lines first, and then work from there. A lot of times our favorite lines are the ones we have the hardest time editing.
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  • stephan

Rene - on Apr. 30 2007
Gracefully bowing to the both of you now! Rewrites as something I am most familiar with and most agreeable to make. Yes, this is a hasty first write of his famous wreck that happened just last Thursday evening. I will go back and try paring this down next week after the semester is over and the last final is under my belt....
Many thanks for the comments/suggestions, I do hope you come back to reread for me when the rewrite is done....



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