"I'm Hot" or "Bare Footing"

I'm thinking about submitting one of these poems to a children's magazine for their summer issue. I'd like an opinion on which one would have a better chance of being accepted.

I’M HOT

I’m hotter than a hippo.
I’m steaming like a clam.
I’m sweating like a piglet.
That’s how hot I am.

I’m stickier than a lizard.
I’m grimy as a toad.
I’m panting like a panther,
Any hotter, I’ll explode!

BARE FOOTING

Bare, bare,

My feet are bare.

My toes are dancing,

Without a care.

The grass is cool,

Between my toes.

My feet are singing,

Here’s how it goes...

Jumping, jiving piggy toes…Piggy toes!

Hop-scotching to and fro…To and fro!

Wiggle, giggle a hello…A hello!

Bare footing toe to toe...Toe to Toe!

Comments

1- Anstey on Apr. 29 2007

Hey Jen, do you have the illustrations that would go with this? If you don't, i know an artist that might be willing to work with you. She's of questionable character, but she's cheap.

(my sister.. whose name is also Jennifer)
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stephan

2- Anstey on Apr. 29 2007

I think the first one is more polished. The second one, at least to my thinking needs a bit of work on the meter of the song at the end. Perhaps i'm just reading it wrong.

Have you recorded some audio for it?

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stephan

3- Jen on May 3 2007

I would have responded sooner but for some screwy reason I couldn't post comments but now I can.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your opinion on my dribble. I've decided not to submit poems individually, but to keep them together as a poetry book. Hopefully there is safety in numbers.

4- Jasmine Mann on May 10 2007

I'll have to second Stephan. They're both really cute, but the second one seems to be missing some words to make the second stanza more sing-able; particularly after hop-scotching, wiggle, giggle and bare footing.

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Well, poop.

"Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer." - Arnold