The language of leaving

but I didn’t mention
that I fell in love with you
somewhere in between
those sheets
and your smile

I laced myself upon your
familiar lips
hoping I would somehow
become part of their
dialect

but my name became
nothing more than
the morning breath
you sterilize and
rinse away

Derma Kaput -
So sad, true-to-life and well written. I might normally look askance on the opening "but", but it seems to work well here, like throwing the reader immediately into the mix of things. sort of. either way, I like this - very nice use of metaphor.

Somday In May -

Thank you very much Derma. I wasn't completely convenced that last stanza would work as well out of my head as it did in.

Derma Kaput -
No, the last stanza definitely kicks ass. nice job.

Anstey -
That is a kik az closing. Well done. I also ike the first stanza quite a bit. It's vivid, and scalpal sharp. I dig that sort of thing. I admit the subject matter is well-trodden, but you did a great job with it.
-----

stephan

Sinnaminsun -

Always nice reading your work. Very powerful piece.

Mellanie Carney -

i really like your work.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.