struggling with faith in the middle of the night

I awoke to your face again and marveled
how i'd forgotten you overnight.
in a blistering of stars upon my best blasphemy
i swore oaths, took vows, and spent them all
for faithlessness, for futility, and fear

Like any angry heathen, I thought heaven was hope
and happiness now -- in every bad dream
it seems that way, I think.

But I awoke, and your face, again
was God in a tiara of crescent moon bliss, necklaced by
the creased smiles of our own baptized babes
I reswore my oaths, i prayed my vows and saved them up
in that endless black well of my soul so unfit for you
my holy love. For faith. For fearlessness. For You.

Like any angry heathen, I search for heaven
for happiness -- and perhaps even a heathen can have
this one good dream