Jack the Hobo - Sorry, simply putting a "fuck you" in a poem does not raise it to world class. This is a good diary or journal entry, but not a poem that would enthrall the masses. I recommend you get out of your own head and start looking around at the world. You might find that you can write something all of us would be interested in.
JMTC.
Rhiannon Jones - Appreciate your perspective, Jack. I find that, on some days, my own head is a rather fertile place from which to write...women seem to like my words. Maybe its a girl thang! This one was for fun
Thanks for commenting. -R Anstey - I think the moment is universal enough, though not expressed differently enough to truly bump it up a notch. I enjoyed the poem in a fairly fleeting way. I am neither enamored of, nor opposed to the explitive. On the whole, the poem is better than a lot of mine, that's for sure.
- stephan
Kath - yes, I think a head is quite a fertile place, and universal enough as we all have them. I tend to like rhyming as a special effect and not so constant, but the poem, and the event has an unusual character to it, I think not ordinary, and this is light, funny and rather inventive as far as situations and their expression go. Plus I did like the little warning. Even that had character.
Sarin - I would have said "you fuck!"
Seriously though at least it's not the same old run of the mill stuff & yea the warning was one of the best qualities in the piece.
Yes I'm some kind of freak, as they all sit & stare w/ their hallow eyes ~ I'm just a girl, No Doubt
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