isolation in the midst of flu

there is an endless amount of snot filling my head
just behind my left eyeball

i can feel it there, pushing and pulsating
reminding me, i'm alive
but getting closer to dead every moment

the sun's light is blaring through my window
and
scratching my face off
skin-bit by skin-bit until all i can feel is the warmth
and the agony where the snot wants to pour out
and puddle by my mouth on the pillow

the radiator hisses
and i'm happy for a moment

heat will save me somehow

the muscles around my stomach hurt from coughing
and i am aware of last night's dinner
what wasn't puked up
is floating in bial and acid and the pink remains
of once delicious food.

everytime i move
i wonder

will you leave me too?