Little Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe

Into the shoe and out and down and back around
and through and up and over too then without a sound
each child tucked and nipped and poked and placed into a bed
washed and dried and loved and whipped, every prayer now said
into the cupboard then she went for to find a bone
when of course the bell went off (oh that evil phone)
"Hello?" she said with practiced ease and scratched her left most knee
"Eleven is too late to call, What do you want with me?"
With a slam and bang and whiz zip and then a long shaboodle
she smashed the phone upon it's bed then went to feed the poodle
french and frisky fondly friendly famished and forlorn
the little bitch was angry since the day that she was born
and now she was so hungry she could eat a cow and seven horses
chopped up and grated, butchered well and plated for seven different courses.
soup to start and then the salad (finishing then with nuts)
she wouldn't put up with 'ands' or 'ifs' or 'nors' or 'ors' or even any 'buts'
And so the lady, near insane, from a long and hectic day
pulled out every can from beneath the sink and each one displayed
to the picky little poodle with the perfect poodle-do
she said with ne'er a grin, "I love you so my little schmoodle-ooo"
and opened up the can of beef, "You'll be such a mighty dog"
then kissed her on her canine lips as if she were a princely frog.
into the hall and up the stairs and down and back around
and through and up and over too, to bed without a sound
assuming every peepless child was asleep and sure the dog was fed
she laid upon her weary back, and slept just like the dead
and just like the dead that never know the deeds of all the living
the children to assumptions are almost never so forgiving
they started with a clamor down the long back stair
out of the shoe into the night, and all that nice cool air
then danced upon the lawn until the sun began to rise
(they scared the owls, chimps and ducks with the loudness of their cries.)
The neighbors soon called the police and the police called in the guard
and the guard didn't know how to sing so they called in a bard
and now the party, it was rocking, and the county it was shocked
the philosophers were pondering, but what it is they grokked
I will never know, and neither will the lady so deep into her sleep
she didn't have the sense you see, to wake up so she could weep
eventually the party stopped and all the bottles were refilled
(vodka looks the same as water, so they didn't pick up the spills)
they slithered back into their beds now weary from the night
and sadly the old lady who lived in the shoe, assumed it was all right
"Get up my babies one and all, the morning sun has come."
and in their dreams they snickered that their mother was so dumb.
They just yelled, "please, Mum, just another minute, just another wink"
"It's too early to get up yet," particularly, it seems to me, when you've had too much to drink.