before

I think I'm going to sip my tea now,
wait for a quiet moment
hope you'll show up
and smile when I wink.

But I know that isn't going to happen
as my tea is getting cold
you're far away
and you hate me just a bit.

I really didn't know it,
in my memory you're still perfect
like my tea was twenty minutes ago.

I think I'm going to walk now
and head down to the pond
I'll throw rocks at the ducks
and smile when I miss.

In New York City there's a bagel
on your desk next to half a cup of coffee
you're dissertating on a black man
who died last century

I really don't know why
but in my memory you're always laughing
still,
you're far away
and you hate me just a bit.

I think I'm going to sigh now,
maybe throw this emptiness away
there's nothing left inside me
and there's no where here to sit.

In a garden by a green pool
a little girl is pulling pedals off of daisies
a little boy is loving her
but it's just another awful secret.

I really don't know just
how we ended up this way
there's no such thing as friendship though
and no promises to be kept.

I think I'm going to sit down
maybe mutter to myself.
No quiet in my mind
as I remember you

in a red gingham smock
and glasses round and brown
black buckle shoes
stomping their way to where

I really didn't know it
was the way we'd end
you never lied to me and I never lied to you
except when we called each other friends.