inevitable questions of a name

SAmantha is a tattooey sort of name, 
though, I had a cat named Samantha 
without a single tattoo - only a scar
where she caught her leg in a 'coon trap.

If my name were Samantha, I'd have 7 tattoos - 
one for each continent, and a pet monkey
named Arturo. 

I'd have the artist use food coloring
instead of ink - because, really, 
I'm just a walking talking dinner
for a hungry lion, and I'd hate for him
to think my tattoos were in bad taste.

If my name were Samantha - though
it's not - I'd walk around with a mariachi band
playing the theme song to "Bewitched."
I'd do this every day until people couldn't stop
humming that stupid tune. Until, they wondered
why, why does he do that? And they'd ask "Why
for God's sake did his mother name him
Samantha?"

She'd just say, "Well, we thought he was a girl, 
and once you name them there's no turning back -
You know how tattoos are."