Skip to main content Help Control Panel

Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in POETRY

Winter Sanctuary

My most recent poem.

Snowflakes sway from the midnight sky
ice crystals land silent upon her hair

a crown from God
to
acknowledge her solitude

heart exposed
touched by His hand

Stephan Anstey - on Jan. 3 2012

Sad and sweet. I think the 'crown' idea very much.


Christy Wells - on Jan. 4 2012

I like the idea, also--and the freedom to make inferences here.  What I'm looking for and still want from this is some indication that my inferences are within the scope of the poet's intent--

For instance, 'sway'--I paused here because I see a pendulum's motion in 'sway'...which is not a motion typically observed in a snowflake.  If I (metaphorically reach...within the context of your poem, I can almost grasp that the 'hand of God' might be the source of a pendulum's motion here...but...is that just my reach or your intent?


Stephan Anstey - on Jan. 4 2012

I wish I'd noticed that. The swaying of a snowflake IS an interesting thought.


Laurie Blum - on Jan. 5 2012

The night that I was thinking of when I wrote this poem, it seemed to me as though the snowflakes weren't quite falling straight down, or drifting or spiraling or floating...they seemed to be nudged side to side as they descended, rather like the hand of God was directing the placement of the snowflakes. I suppose that is why I used the word sway.


Laura doom - on Jan. 5 2012

It is a lovely picture, and concise without compromising poetics. With that in mind, can I suggest that the two 'y's in the second line may not be necessary -- 'ice crystals land silent upon her hair'. That may sound relatively 'harsh', but is more direct in expression, reflecting the 'divine intervention' context, and 'silent' might suggest an (animistic?) intent implied by the 'hand of God', augmenting the adverbial function.

You do this ambiance thing consistently well Laurie -- a poet for all seasons...

[q: is 'acknowledge(d)' a typo?]
Stephan Anstey - on Jan. 6 2012

Laura doom:

Laura, you're so right. Laurie does a fantastic job with Ambiance. always has as long as I've known her. I've tried to learn that from her, but there's a certain knack to it that i just don't have. I think it might just be a matter of her having such a big heart

 


Laura doom - on Jan. 6 2012

Yes -- I wondered if there was something missing in my approach. Do you think she'd consider being a transplant donor?


Stephan Anstey - on Jan. 6 2012

Yes, definitely. She's donate her heart to someone nice like you. She's just that nice.


Laurie Blum - on Jan. 6 2012

Yep. the 'd' was a typo. I will correct. removing the 'y''s is a good idea, the line would sound better. Thank you.


Laura doom - on Jan. 6 2012

Yes Stephan, I know Laurie's nice, but that's just creepy, to describe me as being nice...

@Laurie: forgot to mention that I also liked your opening line. apart from avoiding the usual falling of snowflakes, 'swaying from' also suggests an avoidance of the midnight sky, for reasons which I can't go into -- might be counter-productive, while in 'His' presence


Stephan Anstey - on Jan. 6 2012

Laura doom:

as creepy and evil go, you're as nice as they come.


Laura doom - on Jan. 6 2012

@Christy
If I (metaphorically reach...within the context of your poem, I can almost grasp that the 'hand of God' might be the source of a pendulum's motion here...but...is that just my reach or your intent?

Is this an appropriate time to concede that, in retrospect, I'm feeling somewhat redundant?

{|:>]


Share
* Invite participants
* Share at Facebook
* Share at Twitter
* Share at LinkedIn
* Reference this page
Monitor
Recent files
Member Pages »
See also