Soul-searching [light relief] - Shakespeare's Monkeys

soul-searching [light relief]

zzzz

I've scaled the peaks
and dredged the depths
of artificial highs and lows

boiled my blood
and saved my breath
compressed in poetry and prose

sealed myself in contemplation
overdosed on moderation
partied hard with kool dude bros
paid for pleasure through the nose

ommed and ahh!ed
whilst counting sheep
then masturbating in my sleep

yet nowhere can I find a door
to inner self, the chi, my core.

Depression digs a shallow whole
to occupy this planar soul.

Leanne Hanson -

To further relieve, one would have to fix some sin tacks -- eg. to inner self, the chi, my core will possibly sound better as to chi, the inner self, my core. The last line is also tanglingly jangled and although it shifts the meaning ever so slightly, what about to occupy this planar soul?

I've never had pleasure through the nose myself. For some reason anything that's described in a text as "absorbed through the mucus membrane barrier" sounds unpleasurable to me. I obviously need to stop reading. I have, unfortunately, overdosed on moderation -- the ambulance drivers just don't have any idea what to do, not realising that the catatonia would be broken if they'd just take off their bloody shirts.

I prescribe new batteries, more vodka and a breakthrough in practical necromancy. It would also be helpful to keep a strong shovel close to hand.

Laura doom -

Yeh, those lines would both sound and be expressed better that way, though as it stands, the penultimate line does reflect somewhat on the attitude of the 'seeker' and the dubious nature of the process. I like the last line alternative -- it helps to obscure whatever meaning may or may not be loitering in that passage. I'm also absurdly grateful for the shovel proposal - I'll be sure to hang one between the defibrillator and the endoscope.

Naturally, I disclaim any association with the narrator's exploits, whilst privately acknowledging that, in both composition and research, it was fun while it lasted.