Responsibility is overrated

On this rather dull day

I wish I might, I wish I may

Sleep a dreamless sleep today

Wash away this shade of grey

To somewhere far, far away

Keep all deep thoughts at bay

Leave old issues where they lay

Fiery kisses and my wicked way

Let’s just take this day to play

Let our hips and lips display

Limbs and clothes in disarray

Love me like an old cliché

Take away this cold dismay

Looking out at this dull day

U668857 -

A plethora of rhyme - it seems to avoid the danger of unvarying the scheme (aaaaaaa) and lilts along musically...

There's one couplet in particular here stands out with it's Cole Porterish simile' :

Love me like an old cliché
Take away this cold dismay

Hear hear to that ! ...nicely done, Rgds., Alan.

Shannon McEwen -

Thank you! I was having a rather crappy day and wished I was somewhere else

-----
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Stephan Anstey -

The word 'rather' strikes me odd in line one.

Shannon McEwen -

suggestions?

-----
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Sinnaminsun -

One suggestion I have is to work on the "meter" throughout your poem. Sometimes meter can be difficult to figure out, so syllable counting per line might help to improve the overall rhythm. Here's what I mean by this slight revision I made:

On this rather cold, dull day

I wish upon if I may... (not a great revision, but it follows a similar meter to the first line)