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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in sinnaminsun: 2005 Poems

~The Palest Moon~

The wind blows his hair around her
Like a long, black silken cord,
His shadow is prevailing
and through the dark she soars.

If his eyes could only see her
as she sails past his soul,
The palest of all moons
has surrendered evermore.

And as his sun is setting
and the stars come out to play,
He senses someone's there
Someone who's never been away...

Within his distant shadow
shines a sliver of her moon,

Too pale to be brilliant

Too late...

And too soon.

2005 sinnaminsun

 

Sinnaminsun - on Jul. 31 2009

I've often wondered about my last stanza, maybe there are too many too's...  Any opinions or suggestions welcome.


Laurie Blum - on Aug. 5 2009

Maybe reformat them, have the last few lines trail off more... like a wistful thought

 

Too pale to be brilliant

               too late...

                         too soon....


Derma Kaput - on Aug. 5 2009

Excellent suggestion.  Replacing the 'and' with this simple format change heightens the repetition into a very nice poetic device that creates the very wistfulness that Laurie suggests - and ends the poem beautifully.


Sinnaminsun - on Aug. 6 2009

Laurie and Derma, thank you for the suggestion. 

 

 

 


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