When I'm Forty-Seven

Hmm. Sweet entry, though I wonder if the "sacred song of Cardinals" bears a little explanation. A nature lover like myself appreciates it; don't know that everyone would.

The word "obedience" interwoven with sentiments of lasting love don't work for me. Perhaps it presses some age-old buttons within me; it feels stifling.

Third stanza feels too vague and woo-woo and too close to cliche.

Fourth makes me wonder about the whole piece -- the sentiments of this narrator are lovely, so why would the man be ashamed, and why wouldn't he want the narrator -- know what I mean?

I don't feel like this is there yet, but I like where it's going. I think there's a dearth of really great contempory poetry on really great love.