The Awakening of Thomas Jacob

Thank you for your response!

Yes, it is light that is whispering and beckoning… asking to be awakened/born… I understand that “beckon” is an old fashioned term.  I have grown a bit fond of it, but am welcome to any suggestions you may have as a replacement.  Sounding artificial is definitely not what I am leaning towards here as what’s behind it is very real to me. 

Waken is a good choice… I am going to have to chew on that one a bit.  I think I may like it better. J

S1L4-the appeal is to me, rather than from me.  This is about the labor and birth of my son.  Early in the morning, labor gently started-like a small nudge from him asking permission to be born… a quiet appeal.  His nature in the womb, and now as an active 5 year old, is more passive than aggressive—for me, at least, it speaks in part of his personality that he is asking, rather than demanding (like, say, my other children might!) to be born. Definitely open to word choice suggestions here! Is there a way that would make that more clear? I have yet to think of an appropriate title, at this time.

S2L1-I may omit this line altogether as I don’t necessarily like it.  It’s meant as the morning quietly slipping in, almost unnoticed while this is occurring.  I have had a difficult time voicing this.  I like mentioning the placement of time-going from night to the early morning, but…  Dawn is not meant to be the baby, though I can understand the confusion there, now that I re-read it.  Maybe just mention of the morning creeping in, in some respect, without the personification?

S2L3- would be me grasping the rock… how about “I, Grasping upon my rock”? Hmmmm…  

Personification of light, the sea/waves and the rock are needed for me… the light being my baby, the sea and the waves representation of the labor and my rock was my husband who truly was a foundation for me.  I appreciate you saying this is worth working on! I have struggled with it, so truly appreciate any help/suggestions.  I will revisit this tomorrow, when it is not so late and I am not suffering from tired Mommy brain J