Villanelle's Anyone?

Hey, I'd say put this in your personal space... you'll probably get better (and more) feedback there. But i'll give ya some here. I think the hardest part of a villanelle (and remember this is just my opinion) are the first three lines... making sure that they're deep and interesting enough to be used in multiple ways multiple times.

I'd say your three lines are pretty good, but could benefit from some work. Specifically the inversion at the end of the first line -- it is certainly important for the sake of the rhyme-scheme, but I found it a bit distracting. The general idea of this is good, I like where you're going. I have  anothe rminor quibble with S4 and S5 -- I can't quite make out whehter you're talking about an un-named lover, or God. I'm not sure if that ambiguity is the point either.

• stephan