The art of making mountains

Not to disparage the other readers, but I wouldn't change a thing in this poem.  I love the way it reads and develops.  As for hours shattering into days, I think that's a wonderful way to start the poem off - its an unexpected, vital verb and introduces the emotional feeling of "shattered" into the poem very economically.  Does it work in the context?  To my mind, yes, unequivocally - I think it's even necessary to the poem, its weight being emotionally accurate rather than purely descriptive.  It throws me off kilter right from the start and I think that's where I read this poem best.  My favorite part of this piece, though, is the one word line between the first and second stanzas - changing, or adding to, the meaning of the preceding line, then rolling right into the metaphors of the second stanza.  Absolutely perfect.