Shan's Crap (Shannon McEwen)

I listen to your words The small tremor to your baritone As her name rolls off your tongue And you ask me to Read the words

Words If I’d heard back then I wouldn’t have cried All of those fat salty tears Until my mascara had run south In ragged tracks Where they sank into the creases In my dry skin

Before they disappeared And were forgotten Until I read those words Meant for her

Hate me because I’m beautiful
Or because I can burn the garlic bread
Better then anyone
Until the flames
Are reflected in the green flecks
Of each of my perfect eyes

Hate me because I’m brilliant
Or because I ate the last slice
Of decadent chocolate cheesecake
With a buttery graham crust
And the crumbs have fallen
Onto my sparkling floor

Don’t hate me because
I just happened
To love him first

Eyes stare solemnly
Character etched deeply
Emphasized by each groove
Long exposed to the elements


And it makes me wonder
Will I show such depth?
When the rain remains my only source
Of tears


When everything about me changes
As it’s apt to do
And yet will I remain
As he does


Stationary
Silent
Solitary
Weathered beautifully


Covered in green mildew
Against cold stone
Long since resigned
To bear witness to
The consequences of time

A three car accident
Before the abandoned vehicle
On the Ironworker’s memorial bridge
And a speed trap
Through evening rush hour

After the hectic day
Interviews and reviews
Politics and policies
And a quick three o’clock nibble
Of a wilted sandwich

A brief moment of silence
Before being swept
Into a whirlwind of chatter
And bickering
With yet more daycare overtime

It’s a quarter to seven already
Tomorrow’s to be a repeat
And from the backseat
“Mama, I’m gonna keep you”
With a grin in the rear view

In his voice I can sense the same old lies
Faded yet familiar from so many days
In his smile I can almost hear her cries
The taxman comes and it’s she who pays


Faded yet familiar from so many days
I sat and pondered his infected truth
The taxman comes and it’s she who pays
Blinded by the perverse excuse of youth


I sat and pondered his infected truth
While I bled tears upon a love’s final rest
Blinded by the perverse excuse of youth
I held his head softly to my sinking chest


While I bled tears upon a love’s final rest
She took the love he’d promised another
I held his head softly to my sinking chest
No longer able to act in place of mother


She took the love he’d promised another
In his smile I can almost hear her cries
No longer able to act in place of mother
In his voice I can sense the same old lies

The fog rolls indolently into the bay
Slips like a vinyl pool cover
Over the salt water


Wraps the docks
And the two sail boats
Snugly in a sheer blanket


Before it obstructs the view
And my mind
To the sunlight

I sit here
Looking out the window
Across the water of Village bay
On this rather gray day
And wish you could see
This magnificent dullness
Where I sit
Here in Village bay

Infection spreads with insidious design
Pools like fresh blood luminous on ceramic
Ruby red beauty contradicts pure malign


Shards of jagged pain in a view panoramic
From inner cells to the slightest touch of skin
Pent up pressure so thoroughly dynamic


Desperation builds like silent rage within
Prescription after prescription fails to heal
Left with cheap prayers for each unknown sin


Every ragged emotion used to reveal
And every tepid smile left to conceal