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Just a Nastey Journal

I've been reading these books A Death in the Family by James Agee and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night- Time by Mark Haddon and really thinking about them. They're not heavey reading, but they're fascinating and layered and deep. Sort of mind-altering in that sense.

I stumbled on them because Ellen ordered them for a class, and then the class was canceled so she was stuck with the books. I decided to read them so they weren't wasted. These books of course led my wife and I to talk about family, since the class was about the family in literature. Her mom and dad, my mom and dad, grandparents, our kids, our siblings. The type fo conversations we have anyways, and she probably didn't even notice that family is on my mind more than usual.

The other night Emily saw the Dog one, and she perused it, Im' sure she'll read it when her headache goes away. When she saw what it was about we had a really interesting conversation about my niece Nikki who is also autistic, but not anywhere near as much as the boy in the book. She's very very mildly so, it's called Aspbergers.

Ellen had to switch classes to "Heroines in Modern Lit" which of course means she has to write about her heroines, real or fictional. We talked about it, and of course her mom and my daughter popped up.

They're both heroic in their own ways. My mother-in-law with her faith, my daughter with her incredible strength of character. They're both so amazing. My wife and i marvel about them all the time. 

Now, unrelated, I was talking to Julie about upcoming poetry month and some projects she and I have mulling. (Mostly she, as she's a mover and a shaker and i'm more of a jiggler and wiggler) But the thinking of it always makes me think how Julie reminds me of Ellen sometimes a bit. They're both highly focused and brilliant.

Which of course, Tracey and I always talk about when we talk because we both marvel about all the other editors.

I wish everyone could get to chat and know and understand everyone on the eboard like I do. These people astound me. Their passion for words, for beauty, for doing something meaningful and special and significant with me -- it inspires me daily. The squabbles and exasperation, the waspishness, the laughter, the silliness, the angst, and the total dedication are so beautiful to their very core. Because it all stems from this family that has been created in this ether of internet.

It is a daily miracle.

I just got word that a dear soul, and someone I would be presumptuous to call my friend, Maureen Glaude, passed away today. Her poetry was interesting and beautiful, just like her, and the world is a lot poorer today with her passing.

Many of you may or may not know I was a member of Pathetic.org for a while (and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in sharing their work in an extremely gentle non-judgmental environment) and that is where I met Maureen. I wouldn't say she was my closest friend there, but she was someone I chatted with from time to time and always admired and respected.

Recently, I heard she was ill, and that and some other friends led me back there under a pseudonym, so as not to to create any sort of stir. Sadly she was in the hospital and not around, however I was able to catch up with a couple of other old friends before I was deleted from the site. (One presumes for monkey poetry and bad body odor)

Anyways, I wanted to repost a poem about Maureen, and ask everyone to maybe say a little prayer for her and her family and friends.

cards with Moe

Hey,

Something I've been thinking about -- and it' sust a matter of tradition and ettiquette that I'd like to build here -- responses to comments.

I would like to ask that everyone consider comments as gifts, and act accordingly. Whihc is to say, offer a brief thank you note.

I know it's slly, and I certainly wouldn't want to force that issue, but I'm just saying, we all need to treat comments as something precious. If you don't care enough to say thanks when someone offers guidance, appreciation or comaraderie, then you're discouraging all those things -- the very things we most want to promote around here.

 Someone took time out of our life to read your work and comment on it, the least we can do is be polite and say thankyou.

 I am certainly not above reproach, but going forward, I will make sure that every comment i receive receives a response of, at very least, thank you.

 Fondly,

stephan 

I'm working on the problem with comments. Apparently if a section is protected, no one cam comment in it. That's a bit of a problem.

Thanks Alessandra for notifying me.

For now, i think i must remain somewhat quiet. Still, check back often. Clues, inadvertant and on purpose will be arising as the next couple of weeks go on. You won't be disapointed. Those who are in the know told me so.

I'll be around... probably tomorrow.

This morning I woke up the the sound of incessant breathing. No joke, in and out, over and over. I decided it was a good thing, but still very repetitive.

I thought of the potato salad in my fridge, and how that would make a perfect breakfast. I slid down the stairs heel by heel, until I stood at the bottom. I walked to the fridge. I opened the door.

This was the first of many mistakes I will make today. The door, once open revealed the fat that so soon will round my ass.

I spooned it onto a paper plate and ate it with a plastic fork.

This was the moment of revelation: The burst of onion on my tongue.

The moment when I realized that I am the onion.

I crunched down.

The sweetness enveloped my tongue, and then the slight sting in my nasal passage. Life is good, I thought. Life is very good.

I'm a little nervous about it. If I dont' get  20 submission, i'm going to feel awful. It's not so much the out of pocket cash, it'd be the lack fo interest . That would hurt. I hope no one feels like 'they'er not good enough' -- that's a huge fear i have. Everyone is good enough. If they work hard at it and submit something good, they have a legitimate chance to win.

But it's not just the contest that has me nervous right now. Some of the other impending changes around here are just momumental and really require a shift on my dependencies on others, and my commitment to making this work.

I've been really proud of the conversations starting to happen here, and am tremendously grateful to Derma Kaput, Leanne Hanson, Melden Fred, Julie Ann Cookand Paradiso, Tracey for their help, both publically and privately.

Something else that's just been filling me with joy has been watching the interaction of the Shannon's. [user=Shannon McEwen] and [user=ShannonVeeeee] -- they both bring so much talent and joy to a community. It's absolutely awe-inspiring to me, that they're my friends, and how much they improve in thier writing. They both know how to take criticism without hating the people offering it up. And, the both ask questions and incorporate new ideas. Sure, they are also both abbrasive and contrarian -- and THAT's one reason they rock.

Another very important special thanks goes to Laurie Blum. Very few of you know just how much she does for the site. She troubleshoots. She offers up comments constantly, even when she's struggling to write herself due to writer's block. She has helped me debug numerous problems, and she's probably the most prodigeous finder of issues. She never complains. She always encourages everyone. And the only bad thing about Laurie is that she has no idea how great she can be. She's been writing poetry less than 2 years. Her improvement is nothing short of incredible. She is sharp as a freakin' razor -- and when offered criticism, incorporates it right into her work. She's incredibly brave, putting herself out there when she feels outclassed as a writer -- and I appreciate her every single day.


I keep hoping more people will start logging in and joining these fantastic discussions on poetry. Ask questions. Expand the resources here. I'm like that though -- always wanting more than i have. ($3 earned from google since i re-instated those ads -- how could i want more than that?)

anyways, thank you.

Each and every one of you, it means a lot to me that you're here.

I want to start there, so there's no misunderstanding, these aren't stupid people being mean. They're kind normal people being normal.

Yesterday, as some of you know, I was invited to be part of a planning committee for an upcoming poetry festival here in Massachusetts (to which you're all invited). The moment that I want to focus on is not the planning committee, which I'll share with you in a few moments.  Instead, I want to talk about an instant, where I was absolutely filled to the brim with despair.

It happened yesterday morning about 9am, right by the machine that makes my tea for me. My boss (and friend) Rick happened past me as I was making my tea, and I said, "Hey, I need to use a little vacation time and skip out after lunch today."

"Sure. What's going on?"

"I got invited to be on a planning committee for a poetry festiva."

There's a slight 'hitch' -- a pause -- in the conversation.

Then it happened, the almost imperceptible eye-roll.  

"Ok, sounds good," his eyes glaze over a bit, and he leaves.

He's a super guy. Seriously. Big supporter of arts, and a musician. But the word 'poetry' itself is enough to do that.

For the slightest instant, I was ashamed.