Discuss: Gone Fishin' - Shakespeare's Monkeys

1- White_Feather on June 5 2007

I like the way this poem is evolving, and especially really like the ending. A couple thoughts . . .

When I read this, I find the word repetition a little awkward "mats" and "mat"; "floating" and "floats". Also, wondering if "clutches tightly" wouldn't work just as well as the more conventional "tightly clutches?"

2- Shannon McEwen on June 5 2007

excellent suggestions! I have edited, how about now?
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

3- White_Feather on June 5 2007

Yes!!!

4- Jen on June 5 2007

Hi Shannon,

I'm a little confused as to what "Tinkerbell" is? Right now I'm thinking it's a dog, I'm probably wrong though.

"Into a lotus position" kind of sounds naughty or at least in my twisted mind it does.

Other than that it's a very sweet poem.

5- Shannon McEwen on June 5 2007

Timkerbell is a fairy (from Disney's Peter Pan) her bathing suit has Tinkerbell on it. Lotus position is a yoga positon you pervert! And a kids writer too. I tell ya, it's always the sweet looking ones that you gotta watch for!

Thanks for reading and commenting!
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

Life is what happens while you wait for great things.

6- Jen on June 5 2007

Oh, okay! I didn't get that Tinberbell was part of her bathing suit.

I remember my daughter had a bathing suit with Whinnie-The-Pooh on it. Maybe the two lines about Tinkerbell needs a little tweaking or it could be that I'm very dense and everyone else gets it.

Now that you explained what a lotus positon is, I'm still standing firm with my comment about it sounding naughty. It takes away from the sweetness of your poem or maybe I'm just a big pervert.

6 comments