A Nice Change

a bit disturbing but not completely unreasonable:P

In L1 - I don't like the word "Whilst", I think you could sharpen the image just by saying "Watching you sleep in my king sized bed" would suffice.  Or even a bit more "Show" "Watching you sleep in my king sized bed, your chest moves gently up and down"

In L5 - I"d remove the word "As"

The more I read it, the more I like it.  I've felt like this a time or two. (and red is my favourite colour, in fact my bed room walls are painted blood red)

----- Life is what happens while you wait for great things.