Tears - Shakespeare's Monkeys

Tears

Based on the Photograph "Tears" by Man Ray

Crystalline orbs of perfection
Adorn her perfect complected skin
Clinical and pure deception
Shines through
Delineating
a soulless
Heartless
Analytical
Quasi Angelic air
Decorating a perfect
Aquiline nose
With twin
Erstwhile eyes
Blessed with an Arctic cold
Piercing Unsuspecting hearts
With Stalagmite spears
Of pure malice

1- Anstey on Aug. 23 2007

First of all, I can't quite decide if this works for me or not. I Haven't seen the picture, which I think is probably good. I am looking only at the words, the shape as you laid it out, and trying to devine your intent from that.

All of the language seems high-brow, and to some degree unemotional, clinincal in fact, in direct contrast with the meaning of the words. Its a contrast that I think adds a layer of victorian passion which i do like.

I also like the alternating use of glotal, velar and bilabials. It actually makes my mouth feel like it's getting a message as I read it.

I think Quasi-angelic is hyphenated.

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stephan

2- Kzealy on Aug. 24 2007

Thanks Stephan, I also left out the last 3 lines. So much for cut and paste

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No one Can make you feel inferior without your consent.

No one Can make you feel inferior without your consent.

3- Magsie on Aug. 24 2007

Yeah, I don't think this one works for me. I think the form is clever and I see what you're going for, but it's mostly wordy adjectives. I guess it'd take a more solid foundation in a couple different nouns before it'd appeal to me. Maybe the various features. Not sure.