2- Rene 
on Dec. 18 2007
I love the reality of this Shan! I just read a book of poetry by Sharon Olds for writing class and she wrote a lot of poems like this...reality, raw, and real.
----- Rene'
I am orbiting, I don't know where, but I am orbiting something!
3- Leanne 
on Dec. 18 2007
I'd never noticed that your end looks particularly ungainly...
To increase impact you might actually like to get rid of "I sit here" at the start, and just launch straight into the fruit -- removing the I puts the focus on the action (and such wonderful action it is!)
I'm going to start saying "excuse me, I'm off to practise evacuation procedures".
4- Alcuin of York on Dec. 18 2007
Leanne:
You need to practice? After all these years you haven't got it down right? Or are you just trying to improve range & accuracy?
Alcuin
5- Derma Kaput on Dec. 18 2007
sigh. such a shitty poem (posted in "Shan's Crap" no less!) but I like it. great title too.
6- Derma Kaput on Dec. 19 2007
taking another look, I think I misread this evacuation - so ignore my crappy comments. I still love the title.
1- Alcuin of York
on Dec. 18 2007
"Down in the bubbling bowels, alone
a mockery of the ghosted bone,
the strangeness passing through the unknown"
I make Masefield turn in his grave, I'll bet!
Alcuin