2- Shan 
on Oct. 23 2007
fantastic edits jen, hope you don't mind I stole most of them! thanks for the help, much appreciated!
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
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Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
Life is what happens while you wait for great things.
3- Jen 
on Oct. 23 2007
I 'm glad I actually helped:)
1- Jen
on Oct. 23 2007
I like what you wrote here.
I think it might be a little too wordy and it throws the rhythm off. I think if you just moved some words around or got rid of a few words it would work better. Also the last line is forced and not much rhymes with clasp....maybe a different word?
Here are a few ideas:
In this dusk filled darkened room
I see beyond where shadows loom
On the desk a picture stands
my beloveds holding hand
Wandering back to that day
when our trouble seemed far away
Behind the tears of salty tracks
brain and heart face the facts
Life's reminder a fragile clasp
within my power outside my grasp