2- Anstey
on June 18 2007
it certainly didn't appeal to me. HOWEVER, a) i'm not your intended audience and b) it probably requires music to make it work.
Regardless... first first instinct was yes.
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- stephan
3- Jen
on June 18 2007
Thanks, I thought so
4- Derma Kaput
on June 18 2007
not to be contrary, but if my son was still little, we'd be giggling all the way through this. it swings for me. (but then again, I'm more than a little bit weird.) if it were mine, I'd tighten up, or vary, the rhythm in a few places. And maybe listen to Benny Goodman while I was doing it. he really swings.
5- Anstey
on June 18 2007
Derma Kaput:
See Jen, that's what I was talking about. Derma has really nailed the question/point. IF a kid would giggle madly about this,t hen it works. I am a bit removed from that place,and am having a hard time imagining.
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- stephan
6- Jen
on June 18 2007
Well, it was written for kids.
That's where I get confused. Am I supposed to make it appealing to big kids too, like Derma and myself or an actual kid? I think children's writers aren't only writing for kids, they are writing for adults too.
7- Derma Kaput
on June 18 2007
I used to read to my son every night, and the best books were the one's that tickled us both. So I don't think it hurts to keep the adult audience in mind, but keep in mind that its a subset of the adult audience - the one that reads to children, not the one that quibbles over the meter in sonnets or the nuance of erotic verse. Though there's undoubtedly some overlap.
In the case of this poem, I've often found that going over the top with rhyme and repetition can have a wonderful effect on kids. I think there's room for improvement in this one, but I like the idea.
8- Kzealy
on Jul. 6 2007
this sounds much like some of the old Chuck Berry tunes. If you don't know Chuck Berry, try such favorites as Johnny be Good, and My Ding Aling.
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No one Can make you feel inferior without your consent.
No one Can make you feel inferior without your consent.
1- Alcuin of York
on June 18 2007
Alcuin