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Shakespeare's Monkeys

Infinite Monkeys. Infinite Typewriters.

More in The Other Women In My Life(finally made up my mind and even changed the title!

The Other Women In My Life(finally made up my mind and even changed the title!

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I will need to look at this more closely but my first impression is that you have too many words and a little too much telling, especially the second last stanza.  I do think explanations are important, I just think it could be achieved more succinctly.  Perhaps you could play with something like "yesterday's eyes" and "this morning's eyes" or maybe "Monday" and "Saturday".  Also, you might try:

Green eyes have paled to blue
but mischief still sparks
The silver crown shining through my golden hair
was earned honestly, is worn proudly

Go whimsical, the poem begs it I think.

by Leanne on Jan. 2 2008