More in light (v1 & v2)
light (v1 & v2)
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The continuation of heat is well done -- from (presumably) hot breath to hot tears to flame. I am not convinced you need to put "hesitantly" in there, since the moment you picture a flickering candle flame you know it's not steady. It also breaks the rhythm and the assonance of candle-dance-swaying-flame. Otherwise your sounds are all excellent and the images are intense.
This comment has inspired:
- » Callooh on Jan. 4 2008 - Leanne:I hesitate to say you are correct (oh, who am ...
by Leanne on Jan. 1 2008