An Importance of Mint Imperials

This is a wonderful image, and does have the atmosphere and feel of real life experience. I don't think you need the note to "sweets". Even if someone did not know that-- I think you've made it obvious.

A little girl
"Mother, may I?"
He holds out sweets
from his shoe

Over distant hills
bright sunshine and clouds
The rattle of rain on his window
like the shaking of mints
in an old, leather shoe.

One suggestion-- would take out that line,  as you've mentioned the shoe enough, and by taking it out it raises the image to an almost mythological or dream like level--and yet the picture of what he is doing is still clear...