Ode to a last kiss in moonlight

How's about:

Oh Beloved, now ungloved, still unshoved, how the moment aches for what it takes to be like fakes with rakes in lakes;
twisted kisses for the missus never misses, tips the hisses of anointed, undisjointed, very pointed blessed fingers,
undressed humdingers maybe linger...

On second thought, perhaps your version's better.

Seriously, this tells a short story long on overtones. I'm wondering if the last line of S1 might not work better with "of our anointed, bless-ed fingers". In S3, "faint memories slipped wet long lips" is rhythmically awkward, but I think works precisely because it fits the theme of that line. I agree with Jim: For a draft, darned good.

Alcuin